Today’s meditation took on a rather unique quality. Unique in that my sense of ‘vision’ returned again.

Not the regular two-eyed vision. It’s like I have my eyes open and I’m looking at a brightly colored scene playing out in front of me. Only I don’t have my eyes open.

I suppose the best description is that it’s a highly realistic visualization. But when it’s happening, it feels like I’m really looking at something with my physical eyes. It almost feels strange to know that my eyes are really closed. And the scenes only last for a few seconds at most.

I initially experienced this sense of ‘vision’ within the first couple of days of starting the Gamma Meditation System – but it quickly faded away. So I was quite surprised to see it happening again. I kept concentrating on lengthening the scenes, but they remained relatively short.

During the past two days I’ve been having more insights into business issues that I’m working on. And these insights are taking place during the meditation. One in particular today was extremely helpful. I was quite impressed by it. (Thanking the Universe graciously.)

While meditating I’m still fading between conscious thought and a sort of sleeping phase. Okay, I’m not falling asleep completely. But there are times when I feel extremely relaxed. And then all of sudden I feel myself come back to total alertness.

At this point I’m pretty sure it’s a byproduct of the sounds on the CD (Gamma Meditation System 2.0). Because it occurs effortlessly. Even if I’m fully awake, I still fade between the totally relaxed/totally alert states.

Now that I’m getting into a comfortable groove, I’m going to begin a specific focus on something while meditating. I’m not sure what. But I’m curious to see what other types of visible mental shifts I can produce.

Between Christmas, and finally being able to get out of the house after caring for my sick daughter, I’d taken off some time from meditating.

And I truly felt different. Different like, not centered. I didn’t feel that same sense of empathy I’d described in previous posts. And even before I noticed that slow down of empathy, I did feel like I needed to meditate. I wanted to meditate.

I was able to slip in 30-minutes tonight. I listened to the first segment of Gamma Meditation System 2.0. I wasn’t sleepy when I got started. But I still decided to lie down on the bed instead of sitting up.

First off, I had the most difficult time quieting my chatty mind. I kept having these awful visualizations of robbers coming into my apartment. Or someone trying to snatch my daughter.

Whenever these visualizations occurred, I thought of how overwhelmingly fearful the ego can be. It’s like the ego has a perpetual script for disaster. And even though the thoughts the ego delivers can all seem very real… very premonition-like… they’re not.

Eventually those fearful visualizations were replaced when I began to focus on my breathing. Even still, my mind never really quieted down.

I did have an insightful flash regarding a business problem I’d been thinking about. And other than that I kept having random, dream-like sequences running through my mind. Nothing that really made sense to me.

Speaking of my dreams, they’ve basically lost that colorful, vibrant visual quality they had when I first started this experiment. Which is kind of disappointing. I thought that phase would last longer than it did.

All in all, however, I DO see the beauty of gamma meditating every day. Aside from the dreams and the vivid flashes I initially had, there’s a certain life quality change that’s subtly taking place.

As I explained in previous posts with the increase of empathy, it’s not overwhelming. But I’m 100% sure that I feel a shift taking place. What that shift is is undefinable right now.

Oh, one more thing. I visited my grandmother in the nursing home on Christmas day. She has dementia (a brain disorder, kind of like Alzheimers) so she doesn’t speak. She appears to be in another world.

While sitting and talking to her, I expressed to her that I needed her to come back. To communicate with me. (You have to understand that my grandma is like heaven on earth to me. But I’ve been having a horrible time adjusting to her mental state.)

During the course of my two-hour visit, she spoke in a near legible sentence. And when I asked if she remembered when we used to watch the Merv Griffin Show together, she replied “Yeah.” Then she looked me directly in the eyes.

My aunt, who visits my grandma several times a week, told me that’s the most conversation my grandma has given anyone in years.

It just so happened that while I was there I concentrated on connecting my heart chakra to hers. I just kept pouring love into her. I kept imagining her heart growing stronger. And it did. I’m convinced of that.

Did that have anything to do with gamma meditation? I can’t say for certain. I do know that I felt a deeper connection to her. Like I understood that she was still in there. It was almost like we communicated on the soul level.

‘Subtle’ yet obvious. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.

I had an AHA! moment today.

I should only listen to Gamma Meditation System 2.0 for 30-minutes at a time, once a day. And I should alternate between the two 30-minute segments.

I came to this conclusion this afternoon when I settled down for a session. Instead of starting the CD at the beginning, I picked up where I left off last night. (I tried to do some meditating before going to sleep, but the sandman quickly snatched me into dreamland.)

This continuation happened to be within the first minute of the second 30-minute session. And since I hadn’t really given a lot of time to the second session, it felt like I was listening to something new. I got the same strong vibrational buzz that I did when I first launched this experiment.

So I’m thinking that alternating between the two tracks is probably a good thing – at least for now.

During my session today I felt less movement in my solar plexus, and more flowing energy in my heart chakra. Though I felt a lot of energy in general.

I had a hard time settling my chatty mind during the meditation. And when I finally did, I ended up falling asleep for a few minutes.

Not surprisingly, around three minutes before the CD ended, I woke up. I say ‘not surprisingly’ because if you read through my previous posts you’ll notice that I frequently wake up within 3-5 minutes before the CD ends.

There’s nothing that physically sounds different about that time frame. But I’m sure there’s something happening. It’s like the surprise secret sauce of the CD. Maybe the sound waves change from Gamma to Beta. (Beta is the awake/alert brain state.)

Over the previous few days I’ve been having this rapid onset of extreme empathetic-ness. It was like instantly feeling the joy, the sadness, and the pain of everything I was experiencing, watching and doing. I found myself constantly questioning my own actions, and even changing some of the normal responses I gave.

Yesterday (which I previously forgot to mention), I was sitting at my kitchen table. And the craziest thought came into my mind. It was related to Dragon Tales.

(FYI… If you have kids, and they watch PBS on television (in the States), then you probably know about the show Dragon Tales. Whenever the dragons perform a selfless action, their dragon badge lights up. This means they’ve passed some kind of test.)

Anyway I was sitting there watching the Home Shopping Network, when I suddenly thought of Cassie (one of the dragons) having a badge moment. And I thought, that’s what I feel like I’m going through right now. Why?

Because honestly, I’m not sure what I’m supposed to be feeling. I mean the CD descriptions mention things like “expansion of consciousness.” But what is expansion of consciousness exactly? Surely it’s different for each person. And you never quite know when this expansion of consciousness is supposed to take place.

I’m guessing that part of my expansion is the growth of my empathy muscle.

Which is so NOT what I expected.

And that’s perfectly okay. I’m overjoyed that it’s not what I expected. And I look – with child-like anticipation – at what is yet to come.

I haven’t mentioned my dreams lately, have I? There’s a good reason for that.

Those vivid, colorful dreams that I had the first 2-3 days have surprisingly become a distant memory. And actually, I’m kind of sad about that.

Prior to Gamma Meditation System I’d never dreamt in such a sophisticated level of color before. It was quite an awakening. And now it’s back to drab dream business as usual.

I have to work on some lucid dreaming exercises. But not now. Right now I’m still trying to adapt to Gamma.

Yesterday I spoke about a new awakening of my empathetic centers and sense of compassion. I was never lacking in those areas, per se. But within the past couple of days I feel like my heart has been opened 1,000 times more.

It’s like in the midst of my normal (sometimes selfish) behavior, I’m pausing a lot more to consider the overall affect of my words and actions. The simple act of pausing has helped me to offer a much calmer response in certain situations.

And other times, even when I didn’t offer a calm response, I immediately saw the error of my ways. And I felt more pain associated with those moments than usual.

Certain times you tell yourself that you’re going to change your life. And that gung-ho, “I-can-do-it” attitude lasts a day before you return to your normal state.

Well I feel like my life is spontaneously changing on its own. Like I said yesterday, it’s very subtle. I haven’t become Mother Teresa overnight! But it’s a process that I feel like I’m flowing with, rather than actively trying to control.

I am both emotional and completely in control, at the same time. It may sound confusing. And if it does, it’s only because I’m still trying to synthesize this whole experience. It’s all very new to me.

Today my daughter and I did 10 minutes of Gamma Meditation System 2.0 together. We each had a set of headphones on, and she fell asleep within the first 3 minutes!

During the meditation I had a swirling feeling that varied around my crown chakra and my third-eye. I physically felt like I was moving with the swirl. It was rather intense. My solar plexus was still a little queasy during that brief session. But not much. When I got up, I felt a bit lightheaded.

Tomorrow I’m really going to try to meditate for an entire hour. It’s just more difficult right now because my daughter has been sick. And in the world of a sick 5-year old, there’s no one-hour meditation break! You get it where you can fit it.

As I predicted, my daughter was still sick this morning. So I stayed in the bed and put on Gamma Meditation System.

There were no vibrations this morning. No feelings of an expansive aura. And no flashes of colorful scenes.

The main emotion I felt was confidence. It was a really BIG dose of confidence. I felt absolutely comfortable in my skin. Like I could take on anything. And then maybe 10 minutes into the CD, I dozed off.

My bright, colorful dreams that I had the first two days seem to be lessening in intensity. In fact, I don’t recall the dreams I had this morning at all.

And I don’t think I’ll try to remember any of them – at least during this first week. I’m still trying to adapt to what’s happening and feel these new feelings while meditating. Besides, this is a year-long experiment, so I’ve got plenty of time to work on improving my lucid dreaming abilities.

LATER THAT DAY…

A couple of days ago I ordered the Gamma Meditation System 2.0 CD from Amazon. It arrived this evening.

What makes Gamma Meditation System 2.0 different from Gamma Meditation System?

According to the Amazon.com description, Gamma Meditation System 2.0 gives off HyperGamma waves. HyperGamma waves are traditionally achieved by Buddhist monks who have been meditating for 10+ years. They move you easily into a state of deep meditation, enhanced focus, awakened insight and inspiration. HyperGamma waves are very similar to Gamma waves, except they have faster brainwave activity.

Because I knew that I didn’t have to get up early to take my daughter to school. I tried Gamma Meditation System 2.0 before going to sleep.

I could immediately tell the sound difference between Gamma and HyperGamma. HyperGamma sounded like it had a faster beat. Even so, I was able to relax into it within the first 5-10 minutes.

Oddly enough though, I was able to recall some of the flashes that I’d forgotten about during this mornings meditation. It wasn’t that I was conciously thinking about this morning’s session. It just all came flooding back to me in a fast sequence of thoughts.

Remember I said how I was previously meditating on the connectedness of all things? One flash that I now remember having this morning was that everything – down to a grain of rice – matters. One flash showed nothing but a single grain of rice. And I knew instintively that the grain of rice mattered in the big scheme of things. I don’t know why. But I did remember that.

Because this was my first time in HyperGamma, I suspended all focus. I just passively observed what happened. And I noticed when I didn’t focus on anything I felt the same vibrational state that I did a couple of days ago. (Remember, this morning there was no vibrational state.)

At one point I dozed off for a few minutes. When I woke up, it was to that expansive wave aura that I’d felt the first couple of days. It was quite warm and inviting.

However to experiment, I imagined pulling my aura energy really close to my body. And it was a completely different feeling. It was a tighter buzz around my body. It felt more dense. So I allowed my aura to expand again.

I felt it going into the hallway of my building, and into my neighbors apartment. And I stopped it because I felt their energy. And I felt that I was invading their space with my energy.

Midway during this session I felt a lot of energy in my stomach. So much that it made my stomach a little queasy. Even now, my stomach is still a bit crampy.

I have a feeling it’s because I have a harder time focusing on my lower chakras. I tend to feel a lot of movement in my heart chakra, the third eye region (the intuitive spot in the center of your forehead), and the crown chakra (at the top of my head). But rarely anything below the heart. So I was surprised to feel anything stirring down there.

Towards the end I dozed off again. But a whooshing sound in the second 30-minute segment woke me up. Actually it startled me and I woke up with a jolt.

I don’t know why I was prompted to do this, but immediately after that jolt I put my hands close together (without touching) and felt an obvious throbbing heat. I worked with the energy by moving my hands to and fro for a minute. Then I got up and turned the lights on.

Right now (15 minutes later) I’m still feeling a bit lightheaded. And I have a slight headache. Now I’m wondering if that headache I felt during the first two days of Gamma was because of the CD.

Either way, I think I’m speed freak because I’m digging HyperGamma a lot!

Now that my daughter is on Christmas break for two weeks, I’ll have more time to meditate during waking hours, instead of doing it right before bed.