This morning my daughter still has a fever. So no school again. And I am once again suffering with a headache. But this time I decided not to take any medicine right away.

After having a bite to eat, I go Gamma Meditation System again. Perhaps the sound will help ease the headache.

My goal for this morning is to focus my thoughts for the entire hour – even through the second 30-minute segment, which I wasn’t too crazy about yesterday.

If you’re not into meditation, devoting an hour to a focused thought might seem hard. But when you’re listening to this CD time seems to fly by. There’s so much happening mentally and to my energetic body. When it’s over I want to start it up again. It’s like being high (yes… I did ‘inhale’ in my younger days), without drugs.

As I begin my morning session, I decide that my focus is going to be on the connectedness of everything.

Almost as soon as the CD starts, I settle into a comfortable vibration. By vibration I mean it feels like my aura is vibrating, not necessarily my physical body. Nonetheless, it can still be physically felt.

I feel an expansion of my aura. In the previous 2 days that expansion took the form of a wave. Kind of like a choppy wave at the beach. But this time it’s a solid expansion. I feel like there’s a circle of energy around me, and that circle is growing and growing. And it vibrates as it grows. I am only barely aware of my physical body.

In my mind’s eye I see the room that I’m in. The room is vibrating, and I notice the space in between the solidness.

The room clearly looks like a room. But it has the feeling that it’s all ripped up into little pieces. And I can see the space surrounding those little pieces. I’m thinking that if this is the true nature of matter, then why don’t I just fall through the floor. And at that moment I see everything as completely solid matter again. No vibrations.

During this time I fade in and out of clarity. I don’t feel as though I’m falling asleep, but I probably am. When I come to, it’s always to some bright, colorful flash of a thought.

These flashes are random, and appear to have no meaning to anything going on in my life. But they keep coming.

I have to make a mental note to begin remembering these scenes.

LATER THAT NIGHT…

At bed time I put on my headset and turn on the CD.

I decided that I was going to focus on the connectedness of all things. And as I previously mentioned, I would try to remember the flashes that I was seeing during the meditation.

However after tending to my sick daughter all day, I wasn’t able to recall the flashes.

I ended up falling asleep and waking up approximately 4 minutes before the end of the first 30-minute segment. I don’t know what’s happening on the CD around that time frame.

But I find that if I’ve dozed off, I always seem to wake up around those final 4 minutes. And if I’m awake, I always feel something happening in my heart chakra. Like a surge of electricity is going through it. My physical heart even beats faster.

My dreams were a little less vivid in color and brightness tonight. But I was able to remember one of them.

In the dream I was talking to two parents at my daughters school. We were saying goodbye before the Christmas break. And we kissed each other on the cheek – which is what we always do anyway.

I suppose it was my way of saying goodbye to them, since I knew my daughter probably wouldn’t be well enough to go to school.

FYI, I had to take an Advil to ease my headache.

This morning I got up and my thoughts went to my dreams from Day 1.

I remember how clear they were. How colorful and powerful they seemed – even in my mind. The colors in my dreams made me think of how colorless my waking visualizations had been. My dream was a surreal explosion of bright color that I’d never witnessed before.

I planned on taking my daughter to school, coming back home, and meditating to the entire Gamma Meditation System CD. If less than 30-minutes yielded that color burst, what would a full hour do?

But as fate would have it, my daughter was ill. So she ate a little bit and we both climbed back into bed. She watched television. And my curiosity made me put the Gamma Meditation System CD back on.

Again, I was lying in the bed, not in a typical meditation position.

This time I was rather sleepy, and I dozed off within minutes. Periodically, however, I would wake up to some dream-like scene going on in my head.

I remember waking up one of those times and involuntarily visualizing a giant red heart. True to my vivid color bursts, this heart was like the reddest red I’d ever seen. It was three-dimensional. It was both extremely clear and fuzzy at the same time. And it was BRIGHT. Incredibly bright.

I felt my heart beating really quickly. And my body was pulsating. Again I felt the aura wave happening… like my energy was spilling out everywhere. It was so intense that I couldn’t go back to sleep. I just lied there and let it all happen.

Within a few minutes, the second 30-minute segment began.

And for some reason the second part made my energy feel incredibly close to me. I didn’t particularly like being ‘pulled in.’ It was like a cooling down that I wasn’t ready for.

I listened to it for a few minutes and then dozed off.

When I woke up two hours later I felt very tingly in my crown chakra (the top of my head). It gave me a slightly spacey feeling, and I considered doing a grounding meditation, but I didn’t.

Even though I had fallen asleep, I felt like something very magical was happening to me. And I wanted to hold on to that feeling.

During the day I began having a headache on the right side of my head. I get headaches maybe once every couple of months.  So I took two Advil’s, and I was okay.

LATER THAT NIGHT…

Egads. I am hooked!

All day I’ve been floating in and out of this spacey feeling. I never felt like I was not in control of myself and all my faculties. It was almost like a vibrational goodness. I was actually kind of happy we were in the house all day.

I decided to listen to the CD again tonight. I lied down and got under the covers as usual.

But this time I decided to focus my thoughts. I focused on connecting with everything and everyone. I imagined how my energy was melding with my daughters. In my mind I watched my energy ‘wave’ all over the place.

During certain points I could feel my heart chakra going crazy. Like a fountain of love was bubbling over. It was very intense. Not really emotional – just intense. And I observed it all without moving.

Once the 30-minute segment ended, I shut off the CD and went to sleep.

My dreams were equally intense as they were the first night. So colorful and bright. And this time I remembered some of the dream.

In the dream I was in my apartment. And everything electrical in the house kept flickering on and off. It was both annoying and scary because I didn’t know what to do. I was walking down the hallway when I saw a wavy piece of energy in front of me. Wavy like the heat waves in the desert. Within that moment of fear, I woke up. And I was quite happy to see that I was in my bed!

I looked around the room, closed my eyes and went back to sleep. I’m sure I dreamt again. But I don’t remember any of it.

I honestly didn’t know what to expect when I popped the Gamma Meditation System CD into my player and donned my headset.

From what I’ve read – (mainly through the description at the Amazon.com website) – Gamma waves are supposed to move you into deeper states of meditation and heighten your sense of self-awareness.

Since I’d just begun meditating again, I was hoping to see a positive change in my meditation experience. However I’ve never been deeply into meditation. So I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to be feeling.

And that feeling of unexpectedness made me that much more excited about listening to the CD.

I decided to listen to it before going to bed, which was around 10:30pm. I didn’t get into a cross-legged position. I decided to listen to it lying down, under the covers.

The first 5 minutes or so I basically settled into it. It has an almost spacey, whooshy, synthesizer type sound. Not quite what I was expecting.

Maybe 10 minutes in to it I begin to feel my body pulse and vibrate. I was in a very relaxed state by now, and I didn’t want to move in fear of losing the calming vibration.

It was almost like my aura was expanding. In my mind I kept imagining my aura spilling all over the place like a gigantic wave. My daughter was sleeping in the bed with me, and her foot touched my leg as my energy was ‘waving.’ Surprisingly my physical body felt tingly to the touch. Almost like my leg had fallen asleep, but without the pins and needles feeling.

And still, I didn’t want to move. I felt like my mind was awake and my body was asleep.

The first part of the CD lasts 30-minutes. During that time I faded in and out of twilight sleep and being fully awake.

The last time I was awakened was shortly before the first part ended. I remember my eyes were closed, and the blanket was over my head. And I saw the most vivid picture of my cell phone, which was on the nightstand right beside my bed.

When I say ‘vivid’ I seriously thought I was looking at it with my eyes open and the lights on. It was so bright and clear and in focus. That’s when I popped my eyes open to realize I was still under the covers.

I didn’t understand what had happened. But I was almost a little shocked. So I turned it off before it was finished and went right to sleep.

That night my dreams were almost as vivid as the cell phone visualization I’d had. I can’t remember what I dreamed about. But I do remember that it clear and vivid and quite colorful. It was like watching a movie on the highest definition television you can imagine.

For my first night out, I think it was quite an interesting experience.

Since I’ve had a headache a good part of the evening, I decided to try Gamma Meditation System 2.0 before going to bed. (This time I did the first 30-minute segment.)

I relaxed very quickly and quieted my chatty mind. Actually the chatty mind thing was a priority, as I’ve been allowing it to overwhelm me over the past couple of days. So I was determined not to make it a focus this time. And it worked.

I found myself riding in-between the “partially asleep/fully awake” mode. But let me clarify… I wasn’t asleep. It’s a feeling like being asleep. I’m just extremely relaxed. My mind feels a little hazy in this mode. But I’m still aware that I’m not fully asleep. (Confused yet? )

And what made it really odd was that twice during the meditation I started talking gibberish.

The first time I did it, I shocked myself. I thought, “What the heck just happened???” Then towards that final 5 minutes, I did it again.

I don’t know what I meant to say, as I wasn’t thinking about anything in particular. There was no sense of discomfort or fright. And it only lasted a couple of seconds. But both times I felt completely caught off guard.

I’m finding that the more I listen to the CD, the more my life takes these very unique twists and turns. This is all so NOT what I was expecting when I first started this journey. And that’s the most interesting part. These moments are fleeting, but they always catch my attention in ways that I least expect it.

I question what does it all mean? How do all of these little pieces fit together to form the larger picture? I’m still not sure yet. Not even close.